There was a popular saying when I was a kid, “sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.” Speaking from personal experience though, I can tell you, that statement is far from true. The sting of hurtful words is often hard to recover from. Proverbs 18:21 tells us, “Death and life are in the power of the tongue.” What does that mean? Does that mean that our tongue is a sword that can either spare a life or take one? Well, in a sense, yes. The words we say and the way that we say them have the power to give life to a wounded heart, or cause mass destruction that wounds the spirit. It all depends on how we use them. Proverbs 18:14 states it like this, “The spirit of a man will sustain him in sickness, but who can bear a broken spirit?”
Some of you may understand the magnitude of pain a broken spirit endures. I certainly do. I can vividly remember the day when a counselor asked me to name three positive qualities about myself. I could not even think of one. All I could hear was the repetition of hateful words; “you’re no good, you’re worthless, you’re going to hell, you disgust me, you’re nothing.” Over and over these words and many others repeated in my mind. Where was the positive? I had no idea. There did not seem to be any. To him, I was nothing but every insult he could throw at me. I was a failure at everything, from his perspective.
Once the noise of my thoughts quieted down, the tears began to flow. I did not even know who I was any more aside from the me he created. Sadly, it took several days before I could even think of one positive thing. What eventually came to mind is that I care about people. I care enough to never want anyone else to feel the awful emptiness that I felt at that very moment. It was then that I began a journey to rediscover not just who I am, but who I am in Christ.
That is the concern with verbal and emotional abuse. Many see abuse as being only physical. Our society minimizes the damage verbal abuse can cause. If someone punches their spouse, then it is abuse. However, if they speak harshly to their spouse to the point that the spouse no longer wants to live, it is often viewed as a “not so loving” act toward an “oversensitive” spouse. Why is it that we can only see the damage physically done as abuse but the destruction of someone’s words gets brushed under the rug so to speak? Abuse is abuse. Any act, physical or verbal, that can destroy a person’s soul or make them think that death is a better option is abuse.
Dear friend, if this is your situation, let me encourage you. We were created in the image of God (Genesis 1:27). He knew us before He even formed us (Jeremiah 1:5), and even after knowing us, He still knit us together in our mother’s womb (Psalm 139:13). We are fearfully (carefully) and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14). Jesus loves us so much that He died for us (John 3:16). Despite what others may have said about you, God loves and adores you. His love does not have to be earned. It is freely given. We are saved by His grace when we believe and trust in the Lord Jesus Christ. NO ONE can snatch us from His mighty hand or keep us from eternal life in Him (John 10:28).
May you find comfort and peace in knowing that “The Lord is near to those who have a broken heart, and saves such as have a contrite spirit (Psalm 34:18). Cast your anxiety and your hurt on Him with confidence that He cares (1 Peter 5:7). You are never alone, even in the darkest moments when it feels that way. Trust the Lord that He will never leave you, nor forsake you (Hebrews 13:5). He will give you beauty for your ashes (Isaiah 61:3).
I pray that the Lord will shield your heart and mind against hateful words, whether it is presently occurring or in haunting reminders. I pray for healing of your wounds. May God’s love surround you and comfort you. I pray that through His words in Scripture you will know how much you are loved and valued. May His truth bring healing and restoration to your wounded heart. In Jesus’s precious name, amen.
Gracefully Restored 